I often talk about the importance of mindfulness, self-awareness, and intentionality in our daily lives. In fact, most advice I give on any given day is some version of these ideas. The more conversations I have the more convinced I become that the single most powerful way people change is through cultivated mindful self-awareness and a relentless commitment to personal values.
I recently, on a whim, bought a book by Pema Chodron while visiting a bookstore in Asheville. The book is called the Places that Scare You. This stood out as I’m often encouraging people to do things that scare them in order to realize a hidden strength or accomplishment. Knowing that the life we want often lies on the other side of something scary, I judged the book by the title and bought it.
Almost immediately Chodron introduced me to a new way of conceptualizing mindfulness and it’s become a mantra in my head this week. The statement is simple:
There is good in the beginning. Good in the middle. And good in the end.
All things have a beginning and middle and an end. Our task, ideally, is to be present, intentional, and open enough to experience the good in each.The good being the value or uniqueness of each
The opposite, we can imagine, might be to find ourselves in what’s called a grasping mode. You’ve most certainly experienced this when you’ve found yourself anxiously waiting for something to be over, or desperately wishing to make a specific moment last longer (all the while dreading it’s end and missing out). Sometimes it’s big and obvious, other times it’s very subtle. Regardless, this grasping energy pulls us away from being mindful of the current moment.
The problem is made worse as we learn to grasp in response to all sorts of distress. We start to grasp when we’re bored, tired, nervous, worried, afraid, embarrassed, sad, and so on.. At the first sign of distress our bodies will immediately call upon old strategies for getting away from discomfort.
Mindfulness though invites us to a more sturdy way of being. The distress still happens, it helps us respond without the frenetic and automatic response to get away. It helps us stay grounded, observe what we are thinking and feeling, and then make a wise decision about how to respond.
Here’s how the 3 Goods come into play; in any given situation we can identify a beginning, a middle and an end. Remembering the 3 Goods can help us be purposefully mindful. And if we’re practicing mindfulness we can purposefully look for the good in each.
Good in the Beginning: Setting the Intention
The first principle, Good in the Beginning, is all about setting our intentions. In any given task there is an opportunity to acknowledge why we are beginning.
In practical terms, this could be as simple as taking a brief moment to actively acknowledge to yourself that you are beginning a new task. You might silently note why you are beginning this task and what energy you hope to bring. You’ll try to catch your mind jumping to the end of the task (“I can’t wait for this to be over” or “I can’t wait until this part of my day”) and remind yourself there is good in the beginning. Then you’ll gently restate what purpose you have in the beginning and what energy you hope to bring to the task.
Good in the Middle: Staying Present
Good in the Middle, is about finding sturdiness and steadiness. Life isn’t just about the start or the finish (although a lot of the obvious excitement lies in those moments). We get so lost looking backwards at the beginning of moments or trying to avoid dread of future moments that we are completely unaware of all the moments passing in between. They are robbed from our awareness. But they hold just as much capacity for joy, and interest, and experience, and growth as any other moment.
Good in the middle is a reminder to “catch” the moments in between the bookmarks. All these moments count. There was a time to interact with the beginning (hopefully we set a good intention for ourselves then) and there will be a time to interact with the end but the middle matters too.
Good in the middle requires us to be self aware and honest when we inevitably revert back to grasping energy. When that happens we’ll gently remind ourselves the current moments count as much as the beginnings and ends and we’ll ask ourselves to tune our mind back in to what’s happening around us.
Good in the End: Reflection and Completion
Finally, “Good in the End” invites us to reflect and grow. Sometimes the end is accompanied with an enjoyable feeling (such as relief or accomplishment) and other times with a painful experience (grief, disappointment, or anger). In either we can see a familiar reminder that all things follow a universal arch of beginning, existing, and ending.
We fight very hard in our minds to reject this and we create a lot of distress and regret as a result. Good in the end is about acknowledging that nothing we seem to know is permanent. It’s always in the process of transitioning from its beginning to its end. This is true for everything that’s ever broken our heart and for everything that’s ever filled it with joy.
Finding good in the end is a way of practicing the letting go of the urge to hold things too tightly. Sometimes the best way to be fully alive is to be open to the pain of seeing the whole story play out. Sometimes the most fulfill way to hold on to a story is to acknowledge it’s active chapters have ended and its best use is to influence the beginning of a new story.
And thus, just like all other things, the three goods repeat themselves ready for a new story.
Ben is a licensed counselor working with adults. He primarily helps clients navigate persistent anxiety, OCD, and phobias using a mindfulness based approach.