If you have become frustrated with yourself for feeling depressed, anxious, or any other emotion, you are not alone. We are often taught that emotions besides “happiness” are flawed and troublesome. What we fail to understand is that these experiences are normal and helpful when interpreted accurately. In this post, I want to encourage you to become more open to your emotions and less judgmental about your emotional experiences.
THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS AS PHYSICAL THINGS
I believe we overthink our emotions. It seems like we imagine them as being these magical and intangible episodes inside our heads. When we experience our private dialogue, we often fail to also consider the physical processes automatically occurring to make this “voice in our head” possible.
Take a second and consider that your brain might be an example of the world’s greatest (and least understood) supercomputer. In the same way that computers solve extraordinarily complex tasks through various combinations of 1’s and 0’s, our brains create thoughts through just the right sequence of electrical and chemical communicators. Every thought we have has an electrical footprint. Every emotion we experiences has both an electrical and chemical blueprint.
EMOTIONS AS DATA
Understanding, or at least considering, the physiological aspect of our thoughts and emotions offers us a new way of experiencing our emotions. I often encourage my clients to consider their emotions as data their brain is offering them. In the same way that a burning hand signals us to move away from a hot stove, our anger/jealousy/anxiety/sadness/etc is serving as a source of information. Our job is to notice the data being given by our emotional brain and use our rational brain to interpret and “turn into action”.
RE-FRAMING AND BEING NON JUDGMENTAL
Far too often, we fail to transform thoughts and feelings into action. Instead we become stuck in the emotion and begin to ruminate in unhelpful ways. We become frustrated that we are anxious again or disappointed that we are depressed. We question, “why do I keep doing this?”, or “What is wrong with me?”. In these instances, we are noticing the feelings but failing to understand them as data.
A more helpful experience of anxiety or depression would be to develop a curiosity about the emotion. This means understanding what it looks like to be depressed or anxious and asking ourselves, “what is my body trying to tell me with this emotion?”. Perhaps it means we are feeling lonely. Maybe it means we are being critical of ourselves. Maybe it tells us we have not been living up to our values.
Whatever the root, our emotions are our body’s way of informing us when things need to be adjusted. Instead of judging ourselves for being anxious, depressed, jealous, etc, we should be willing to notice the emotion and use it as data to inform change. When we stop being judgmental about our emotions and instead develop an willingness to listen and learn from them, we are on the pathway to a more healthy lifestyle.
ABC TRACKING
My favorite way of teaching this to clients is to use what’s called the ABC model. This is a common Cognitive Behavioral Therapy intervention used to practice more accurate and helpful understandings of our emotions. In this exercise, you are asked to complete a simple chart where “A” represents an ‘activating event’ (what happened), “B” represents a belief about the event, and “C” represents the consequences of that belief.
Typically we live in the “C”. It is what we feel after something happens (the “A”). What I want you to consider is the belief that leads from A to C. What mental scaffolding must be present for C to happen when A occurs? Investigating and becoming curious to this question is essential to learning to use your emotions for positive change.
Meet the author
Ben Taylor is a counselor in Johnson City and Kingsport, TN. He provides counseling for adolescents, adults, and couples. He specializes in treating Anxiety related concerns including OCD, Panic, Social Anxiety, and PTSD. He also works closely with couples seeking to increase effective communication, navigate infidelity, and rekindle past romances.
Ben sets himself apart of other counselors by making therapy a more personal experience. He works well with clients new to therapy and challenges the notion of what it means to be in therapy. Ben strives to make therapy a more normal experience by developing a sincere interest in his clients, balancing humor and honesty, and offering a non-judgmental space for creating your ideal self. He takes pride in creating a counseling experience that is genuine enough for laughter and tears but honest enough to talk about what needs to be changed.
When you’re ready to experience counseling that moves you towards your ideal self or relationship, email Ben by clicking below.